Sunday, May 23, 2010

Caveat Lectores on Environmental Disaster Averted at Devil’s Neck

We did it. We saved the Devil’s Neck Convention Center (DNCC) from an oil soaked death.

You may recall that, two weeks ago, we reported the news of an oil spill at DNCC threatening its very existence. The neighborhood alligator attacked a large bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Suntan Oil and squirted nearly a gallon of banana scented oil all over the shoreline. We surveyed the disaster and pretty much abandoned the site in hopes the oil slick would dissipate. Does the BP Corporation response sound similar?

E/S and I returned to the scene Saturday morning only to find a layer of sludge on the beach that rendered me nearly catatonic. I could not react. I just wept with remorse over having allowed such tragedy to unfurl.

E/S, the ever resourceful member of the Lectores family, looked up to the skies and saw the Spanish moss hanging from the Cypress trees and suggested we use it to absorb the sludge. Brilliant!! But how to get the moss from the trees to the water’s edge? Another brilliant idea. Just cut down one of the 100 year old Cypress trees in a way to make it fall into the water. She picked the tree she had been complaining was obstructing her view of the lake.

I was still whimpering when she took her trusty Sears electric chain saw and cut down the tree so cleanly it fell right in the water and left a stump we can now use as a water side cocktail table for the pink wine and cheese doodles we love so much. JFTDC. Is this woman a genius or what?

The Spanish moss worked great. All the oil sludge and even the oil slick and most of the smell vanished. We did have a disposal issue with the saturated moss, but she handled that as well. She had me pile all the moss on the concrete slab next to the beach, and she splashed a little gasoline on the pile and torched it off. Holy Moly Batman, did that get hot or what? Water soaked, oil saturated Spanish moss sure smokes a lot of when it burns. How was she to know?

Just before the Devil’s Neck Volunteer Fire Brigade and the EPA arrived on the scene, the fire burned itself out and the wind dispersed the smoke and soot into the neighborhood. There was a lot of coughing, but the mosquitoes have now disappeared and will not return unless the neighbors scrub the soot from their yards and cars and houses and boats and docks and children. Life is full of choices.

E/S made a deal the with Asplundh tree trimming crew that passed by to see the fire, and they let us use their wood chipper to make Cypress mulch out of the downed tree. We now have enough mulch to supply the DNCC for two years. There are so many sun blocking Cypress trees in the beach area, we will not have to buy mulch until we are in our nineties. The DNCC needs more parking for the remodel anyway. Again, life is full of choices.

And Oh yes, Have a nice day?

Caveat Lectores by Jeff Carnes
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Anonymous said...

You realize of course that you are insane.

Jeff Carnes said...

Thanks. I have enjoyed every moment of the insanity.