Saturday, July 17, 2010

Caveat Lectores on Opera Winfrey

After spending the day staring at a computer screen trying to redesign some Lectores Labor Consulting PowerPoint Seminars, I decided to spend a little time working on redesigning ME. That did not take long because ME is either perfect or a hopeless case. Nothing is going to change any time soon.

All of a sudden I got the brilliant idea that my commercial ventures would be much more successful if I could get an endorsement from a celebrity. After much thought, I could not decide who would be the best spokesperson for Caveat Lectores. Out of the blue, it came to me. Why not give Opera Winfrey a crack at it? She is reasonably well known and a woman of color. Caveat Lectores is all about diversity. Why not share my diverticular tendencies with her.

I knew she probably did not need the money so much so I decided she might enjoy a weekend at the House on Devil’s Neck. I am not staying there right now because the summer mildew has given ME a terrible case of bronchitis; therefore, it would not inconvenience ME too much.

Well, I Googled her and got her phone number. When I called, you would have thought they thought I was crazy. Something about how they do not appreciate prank phone calls. Who does she think she is? They would not even let me tell them about Alliburton Gator or how we solved the oil spill with Spanish moss. She is very self absorbed. I finally put Dr. Hooby Boo on the line to brush her off.

Next I called Lucille Ball because I heard they were selling her Roll Royce. She must need the money. They told me she was dead since 1989. That whole thing did not work out so well. I finally put Dr. Hooby Boo on the line to brush her off.

I decided to call Kevin Spacey since he is the source of the stories about my hero Kaizer Sose’. " plus belle des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu'il n'existe pas!" That did not work out so well either. Something about him just being an actor and I should not believe everything I see on the TV. I finally put Dr. Hooby Boo on the line to brush him off.

I finally struck pay dirt with the Three Stooges. Shemp Howard’s third cousin’s grandson’s wife’s brother lives just down the street from the House on Devil’s Neck and has agreed to be the official spokesperson for the next Devil’s Neck Labor/Management Kumbaya Retreat. We normally only have one annual retreat per quarter, but with a spokesperson like Little Pete “the Coward” Howard we changed the whole scenario.

Now that the remodeling is completed, we will be having an Annual Devil’s Neck Labor/Management Kumbaya Retreat once a month. Be there or not. If not, just send the extra $500.00 for the Enhanced version that includes all the certifications, group picture and you do not have to attend to get credit. Cash only. To make reservations, just call the toll free number 800-YOU-BHAD.

And oh yes, have a nice Day?

Caveat Lectores by Jeff Carnes
6500 Readers in 432 Cities, 41 States and 15 Countries
Read at your own risk.
You may learn something you did not want to know
about political and labor relations complications that affect ALL
Public Employees: Firefighters, Paramedics, Law Enforcement,
General Employees and Teachers.
Lectores Labor Consulting 813-240-8165
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